Is Divorce a Solution
Is Divorce a Solution or a Disaster?
There are happy, problematic and even disastrous marriages, but perfect marriages do not exist. One of the partners may feel that he or she is dissatisfied with the relationship any moment, starting with the honeymoon and ending with the retirement. A divorce is not an easy process, because it often raises many problems such as portioning out property and deciding with whom children will stay. Thus, many couples try to save their marriages as long as they can even if one or both of them suffer. However, if the marriage fails, it is no use enduring discomfort and depriving oneself of the possibility to have a better future.
If the relationship is long-term, people get used to each other’s company. Both of them know that when they come home, someone is waiting there. As a result, a person is afraid of being lonely if he or she will find courage to end the relationship. However, this person may not even realize that he or she is lonelier in these relationships than outside them. Being single is not as scary as being with someone who has become a perfect stranger despite so many years spent together. Maybe this person was a stranger since the very beginning, but it was difficult to notice it because of the young age or lack of experience. Nobody should live this way; thus, a divorce will be the right decision. Firstly, such feeling as loneliness may be extremely harmful: “Loneliness depresses our immune system functioning, it increases inflammatory responses that put us at greater risk for cardiovascular disease, and it can literary effect our longevity” (Winch, 2013). Basically, this painful feeling may destroy a person not only emotionally, but also physically. Secondly, a person may feel free, not lonely after a divorce. For example, a person may see the world, find new friends, and have a hobby. A wide range of new emotions will help an individual to discover many things about the world and his/her opportunities and wishes. This person will feel free to try something that he or she could not do while being married.
In many cases, a person has a desire to recover his or her marriage somehow. For example, the couple does not fight all the time, and there are no other serious problems. However, this relationship will not work no matter what they try to do. Both of them would not like to break up, so they try to fix it by all means. At first, they make efforts to do it themselves, and then they decide that they need some help in this difficult process. This couple decides to try marriage counseling, which is rather expensive, because it requires many sessions. However, these people may only waste their time and money: “For some couples, marriage counseling is really divorce counseling because they have already thrown in the towel” (Gaspard, 2014). There are many factors that may prevent the therapy from working. For example, the problems of the relationship may be too deep to resolve them. Besides, usually, one of the partners is less interested in the success of the therapy and tells about the ending of the marriage at a session. Sometimes, one of the partners is addicted to alcohol or drugs or mentally ill. In this case, therapy will not be effective if not to treat the illness before sessions. If one of the partners abuses the other one either physically or emotionally, then the latter may be afraid to discuss it with the counselor. The couple may be also lazy and refuse to do important homework to improve the relationship. Finally, not all counselors are qualified enough to help, or a counselor may just not fit. As a result, it will only postpone the moment of divorce and steal a lot of precious time from both of them.
The faster a person gets a divorce, the better he or she will feel: “Staying in a marriage that is unsupportive, unfulfilling, abusive or just plain unhappy is bound to give you self-respect issues” (Fetman, 2014). Unhappy marriage may also lead to depression and low self-esteem for both women and men. For example, a woman who understands that she is not happy with her husband may stop wearing make-up, buying fashionable clothes, and keep fit. At firs,t she will think that it is no use wearing make-up at home, because her husband already knows how she looks without it. Then she will start dressing like a housewife when at home. Some time later, she may become so depressed that she will let her friends see her with dirty hair. Then there will be a moment when she will decide to go out looking not good. After a while, she will gain extra weight, because she has no reason to look beautiful. In this case, not getting a divorce in time will make it difficult for this woman to get used to looking perfect again. Or worse, this woman may never fix the things that she has done to her appearance as a result of a failed marriage. As for a man, he may also suffer. For example, if his wife tells him that he is a loser all the time, he will start to believe it sooner or later. He will also feel depressed and very bad about himself. He will begin to think that nobody will ever love him, because he is not a good man. It may be very dangerous, because recovering from such humiliation will require much time, efforts, and maybe even therapy.
A divorce is a rather difficult step that requires much courage. After a disastrous relationship, a person begins to feel more self-confident. A divorce includes many difficult procedures, and it is very hard emotionally. People not so often stay good friends after this. Usually, one of the partners makes many mistakes and hurts the other one during the process of divorce. In most cases, a partner blames the initiator of the divorce for the betrayal and tries to make this person feel guilty for doing so. As a result, both partners feel emotional pressure and cannot wait till this painful process ends. A reaction of a person who is in pain because of all this is understandable. Besides, “It takes real work to hold the nuances in your head, to remain kind and considerate, to remember why you married in the first place and still push forward to separate” (Paris, 2012). One of the partners keeps asking about the reason of this decision. Then the couple starts to fight about it, and cruel words often come out of someone’s mouth no matter this person wants it or not. Thus, it is very difficult to save dignity during this process.
Partners should not forget that if they split up, then they will finally have an opportunity to look for someone new. If the marriage fails, it is clear that these two people are not meant for each other. Of course, the longer these people postpone the divorce, the less chances they have to meet someone new. Firstly, none of them becomes younger. Secondly, there is always a certain period after ending a relationship when people are not ready to build a new one. It may be a month, but it also may be a year or even several years. Moreover, when a person is dissatisfied with the marriage, there are probably some problems in intimate life, too. In many cases, people get married at a young age with not much experience. Of course, they try something new not realizing that there may be someone who fits more. Thus, a divorce is a unique chance to find a better partner and experience more pleasure.
Usually, people argue that the process of divorce has a negative effect on children, and it does not matter whether this child is 5 or 25 years old. At a very young age, a divorce confuses a child, because he or she does not understand why the parents fight and where one of them goes. It is also very difficult for a child to live with the fact that one of the parents is wrong and hurts the other one. Parents do not want to make their child suffer and think that both of them should raise a child. However, “Researchers have found that only a relatively small percentage of children experience serious problems in the wake of divorce or, later, as adults” (McAllister, 2014). If parents decide to save their marriage for the sake of the child, sooner or later, he or she will grow up and leave. At that time, parents may already lose a chance to find their true soul-mates.
To sum up, divorce is the best solution of all the problems that the couple has in the marriage. It is the beginning of a new, more qualitative life with a huge number of opportunities. If the two people do not live happily together, then there is the sense in looking for their true destiny.
- Fetman, C. D. (2014, January 15). Five reasons why “getting a divorce” is the best New Year’s resolution you can make in 2014. Huffington Post.
- Gaspard, T. (2014, January 24). Marriage counseling: Does it help or not? Huffington Post.
- McAllister, D.C. (2014, May 14). Is divorce bad for children? The Federalist.
- Paris, W. (2012, June 1). Happily ever, after we split. The New York Times.
- Winch, G. (2013, June 28). What to do when you’re married but lonely. Psychology Today.